Not The Happily Ever After We Wanted
In any ideal world, we would all marry and live happily ever
after. When there is not a complete and balanced commitment from both parties,
this can result in a divorce and separate the family. Divorce is a loss, and
requires the process of grief and time to heal. Putting pressure on yourself
for what you could have done differently, for not seeing it sooner, for not
hanging on for the sake of the children, or numerous other thoughts you may
generate on yourself, does not help yourself within the healing process.
It is not uncommon for two people to grow together with one
always being the dominant one when it comes to compassion and patience, or when
two people in love grow apart with time. Love is a powerful force and the most
powerful of all. But sadly, in the times we live in, even the best love can be
challenged to a breaking point.
My Story
Divorce is more commonly heard in today’s society. It feels
like its more common then when I was a kid with my parents’ divorce in
1995. I was the only one out of the
group of my friends until about high school that had divorced parents. I always felt different having to tell my
friends which parent’s house I was at that night or weekend. It also became
difficult for me to understand what made my parents not want to be together and
why they would leave one another’s side with four children. I may have been
only 6 at that time, but I wish I had been able to talk to a therapist or learn
easier ways to cope. The divorce of my parents was hard for me all the way
through high school until it all made sense being able to see who each one of
my parents were.
What Can Happen When Families Split?
Divorce is not an easy step to take, especially with a
family. Divorce is not only difficulty on the couple that is separating but if
you have children, this can affect them as well. If a family has children
involved, it is important to take the right action steps to help them cope with
the situation. Divorce affects each kid differently, and some of the common
childhood reactions to stressful family events are disorganization, regression,
physical symptoms and acting out.
Some Coping Strategies During a Stressful Time
First know that going through this can be a very difficult
time, no matter what the reasoning was for it.
There are different things one can do to help go through this tough
time.
- Know that it is completely normal to be upset and angered and not being able to completely understand how it got to this point.
- Try to give yourself permission to feel this way and not feel up to going through a typical day.
- Share your feelings with others, such as friends or family. You could join support groups or see a therapist to talk to. It will make it harder on yourself if you keep your feelings in.
- Still try to take care of your body by exercising and eating well.
- Try to keep your normal routines up as much as possible.
- Some may have less of an appetite during stressful events, but this will lead to health issues.
- Try not to use alcohol or drugs to cope with the feelings your experiencing, this will lead to more problems.
Here is a video that can help you with some coping skills.
You Are Not Alone
According to Cohen (2002), more than 1 million children per
year experience their parents’ divorce, which can be can be an emotionally
traumatic event for the children and their parents. Divorce can affect a child
differently depending on their age, how the family gets along, how the parents
respond to their own anger and loss to focus on their child’s feelings and
needs.
Parents of Divorce
Parents are also ones that suffer from divorce. According
to Cohen (2002), mothers are more likely to consume alcohol to cope, and use
more mental health services for their symptoms of depression and anxiety. Fathers will feel pushed away and also may
develop anxiety depression and turn to substance abuse. Fathers also may
develop a feeling of feeling less accepted by their child. There are Resources in The Community
Many Communities have organizations such as crisis centers,
hospitals, mental health clinics, and sometimes even churches, that offer
helping services to those who are experiencing divorce or suffering from an
emotional traumatic event. These organizations usually will help provide some
form of individual or family counseling.
References:
Cohen, G. J. (2002).
Helping Children and Families Deal With Divorce and Separation. Pediatrics,
110(5), 1019-1023.
